the highest point of irrationality!

I once had a feeling that i am a very rational person. I thought that i can understand every thing around me and can give logical reasons for it. I had a notion that everyone can do the same, all you need is just an open mind and every thing becomes logically correct! And then i use to point fingers on irrational happenings around me like for example religious intolerance, caste system etc etc.

Now i know i was incorrect. There are moments in life which you just cant understand. Well you may understand but still cant accept. Mind sometimes becomes so biased that very simple things in life look so difficult to comprehend. Lets say for example our relationships. I have always faced difficulties in understanding them or if i understand them well, then in accepting them that way.

I will try to be more specific now. Let us consider a Love affair.

When you love a girl from deep down the heart, following things happen:

• You start playing missed call games
• You feel more complete and happy
  
• You wait for her to come online on Gtalk anxiously (sometimes till very late in the night) and suddenly when she comes online ... you miss your several heart beats
• You set your status messages to please her
  
• You check your email every few minutes with an expectation of having few loving words from her.
• Money no more remains an issue ... seeing/making her happy is all you need
• You post letters and postcards which you will otherwise never do
• You start spending more time in your room lost in dreams
• Family and friends who have helped you all your life becomes secondary
• You spend hours, days and months helping her on issues which will define her life
• You bunk classes, sleep at 5:30 am after a tiring day and getup at 7:30 am just to wish her Good Morning mademoiselle and do what not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And suddenly you realize that things are changing. One fine morning you have an email that the feelings are gone ... one fine morning you understand that she doesn't miss you anymore ... one fine morning you become a stranger for your life ...

And then slowly following things happen:

• You develop a strong bitterness for her because her memories gives you a lot of pain
• Every chat on Gtalk ends with either a fight or a fight ...
  
• You many times try to block her on Gtalk but despite of all your efforts you fail ...
• You keep getting glimpses of her in your mind which makes you feel even worse
  
• Your manhood requests you to move ahead and wants you to forget her
• Sometimes you really want to show her a hard _|_
• There are lots of good memories, but every time bitter ones take over
  
• You feel low all the time and your friends and family can point out that change in you
• Finally when you cannot find an answer to how and why all this happened to you, you give up and try to keep your mind busy in various other routines of life.
  
• And your heart still pains ...

Thats how a love affair is ... and for me ... it is the highest point of irrationality! I don't know why this all happens ... and even if it happens ... why it is so complex ... and difficult to accept it that way?

A feeling that moves this world is a feeling that cannot be defined.

Love :)
Karan

Kshitij

Hi,

I was thinking to post something about Kshitij from a long time. Today when I was browsing some of my past emails, I came across the one which was posted by rolly da after Kshitij 2006 got over. I think its worth sharing with the current team. Here it goes...

=====================================================

hello everyone..

well i have been trying not to get senti over kshitij since the last
day of Kshitij, I can contain myself no more. Yesterday I wanted to
say a lot of things but some how was busy controlling so many others
from getting senti and hence did not find a suitable opportunity.
What ever i have to say will be seconded by many more I know but i
take the privilege of saying it.

Kshitij 2005

first of all, it hit me in a very awkward way - running around
conducting ataxia - that from now on i will be no more associated
with a fest which i have seen and made grow from a weak fledgling to
any fest's envy in a record time. In fact it became more than a fest
for me and will always remain one of my biggest achievements here at
IIT Kharagpur. Next year, a new team will take my place and i will
have no role to play but the memories will stay on for ever. It is a
feeling of nostalgia, jealousy and i don't know what - leaving
Kshitij to some one else, just hoping that they will treat it like
their own kid from now on. its like giving your own child away for
adoption to some one else. I don't mean to say that the others do
not have the capability to do what we did but i only request that
who so ever takes charge from now on - remember that the spirit of
Kshitij is much above ur personal deisres, aims and ambitions and
let that not die away due to personal animosity or politics. KEEP
THAT SPIRIT ALIVE!!

Kshitij 2006

I don't know how the heads are feeling right now but i guess it
would be more like what i felt when I was a head. After the fest, it
was a feeling of hollowness - like something has been taken away
from me. a feeling that some one has condemned u to ur rooms, a
feeling of what to do after dinner if not go to the meetings? your
own room will seem so strange to you for it will be first time in
months that u will be in ur room for a lot of time. It is a pathetic
feeling I know - a sense of loss and bereavement. But savour it. It
is also a part of that spirit of Kshitij - the love for the fest.
Channelize it to better the fest next year, whether u r in the team
or not. And i admit that the best part of Kshitij is being a head.
that is when it hits u the most.

Kshitij 2007

members - u have a big responsibility on ur shoulders. u will be
taking charge next year and it is very important that u understand
that it is not for the sake of a line in ur CV that u will be
becoming heads. If that is what is in ur mind - drop it. As Basant
said and i agree to it that it is not worth working so much for a
fest just to earn one certi. But believe me, it will be an
experience you will not forget for a life time. The things you learn
here and the things you experience will stay with you for years to
come. Get attatched to the fest and you will experience an enitrely
different Kshitij. The heads have done a wonderful job and next year
you will have a tough task on ur hands. Keep up the good work that u
have shown as members and make Kshitij grow bigger.

Kshitij 2008

As for me, many of my friends were surprised to the extent of
getting frust with me that i was working even in my 5th year. The
only thing I worked for was me myself. The kind of satisfaction and
a high this gives you is really amazing. You will slowly experience
it. When you have spent months planning and working and seeing huge
lines outside TOAT or the basement. Seeing audis full with junta
enjoying every moment and the dis belief on the face of the faculty
that students could manage all that is all u need to make up for all
your efforts.

I would personally like to thank all the s.coms for what they have
been to me. Many felt that I would not be able to gel up with the
team since i was a 5th year. But I knew that they were wrong.
Kshitij has a different chemistry. And I was proved right by the
team. I was never made to feel that I was some how different from
the rest. Most of the times I even forgot that the rest of the
s.coms were my juniors. Thanks a lot ppl. And I have made some life
long bonds here basanti, sneha, shravan, dutta, anita, hota, khadia.
Thanks a lot for your love and respect. It was a pleasure working
with u ppl. Wish i cud have all of u as my colleagues.

i guess i have rambled on and on and its time to stop. I still have
lots of things left unsaid. But i think i will take some other
opportunity to say them. mean while some one plz fwd this mail to
the members group.

Looking forward to a bigger Kshitij 2007. Good luck and adieu..

Regards,
Rolly.

=====================================================

I hope you guys learned something from it. I have a request from you ... pass this mail from generation to generation ... in memory of those who conceptualized the first Kshitij and as a toast to the spirit of Team KTJ!

Yo KTJ :)

Salut
Karan

Tare Zammen Par!

These are some of my creations!!! An artist at its best ... isn't it? [:P]

Few days ago a friend mine noticed them in my notebook while I was sleeping in the class. He told me that they give a feeling of the famous movie "Taare Zameen Par". I usually draw these paintings when I am getting bored in the class. My inner creative self has always helped me in surviving the worst tortures of the class.

I now realize that there exists a Ishaan Awasthi in me which is still to come out as a winner. I just hope that it will come out soon [:)].

After all every child is special.

Salut,
Karan